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If Babycheeks — my totem and spirit-guide — answered, it was lost beneath the bar’s raucous gabble of small talk and pick-up lines. She explained that we’d have five minutes for each “date,” which began when the bell rang. “Elise.” Her handshake was a dead fish, and she reeled it back immediately. A hostess with shiny teeth and a clipboard approached. At each subsequent ring, the men moved to the next table. Her arms crossed over her stomach, as if to keep an alien from bursting out. “My ex used to say that.” Her shadow-cat’s hackles rose. I loved Cheers.” I scrambled to shut my brain’s babble-faucet. In 2009, in sadder times, I had a first-and-final foray into speed dating ‘for research purposes’.Indeed, it was a ‘Speed Dating for Young Professionals’ evening hosted by Rachael Chan of fame.Wings of this fly are specialized having a sharp bend halfway through the wing and they are also known to have a well-developed calypter.

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At the next table was a lovely blonde in a gray suit and pink shirt. She ripped open gold foil, unwrapped what resembled a turd in need of Zoloft. A flash of memory took me back to college Bio, and I scowled.

I had no time for dinner.” From her Louis Vuitton handbag she excavated something labeled Pro-chieve.

Doing the rounds today on Reddit, Facebook and the Twittersphere is a bizarre ad for a local dating event tonight… (With that latter event, I imagine there’d be a very heavy bias towards ‘go speed dating’).

As not to encourage anyone, I’ve filled this under the ‘Possibly Racist‘ tag as opposed to ‘Events‘.) “.