Dating and relationships while a resident

Our family was the most important thing to both of us, but honestly, I couldn’t see a way to navigate those years. Now that I am on the other end, I have many people ask me what tips I have for surviving residency. I really wish there had been someone to tell me these things seven years ago.

This July marked the end of those five (turned seven) years that I was terrified would destroy my marriage. And we didn’t just survive the process, we actually thrived during those years. For that reason, I’m sharing with you the 10 lessons I have learned in hopes that there is someone out there who will find it helpful.

She spends all day listening to patients, lecturers, residents, attending doctors, so she's basically a professional listener. In reality, she probably has no idea why you're having leg cramps, but that doesn't matter because she will pretend to know anyway.

Unless it's the day after a 24-hour call day, in which case haha, no, she already fell asleep. Plan every date at least 10 years in advance, if possible. She gives terrifying new meaning to the term "type A." Med students and doctors generally have some form of OCD or, at the very least, a seriously regimented routine, and you better get used to it because she is physically and emotionally incapable of altering it in any way.

If you insist on dragging someone into this mess, there are four things you need to know…and when I say : Just to be clear and make sure you understand… Be prepared to be the one that bends, and then bends again and again and again throughout this entire journey. Hopefully, they can plan their study schedule around it. It’s probably is easier to go through these medical school years single, but knowing someone is in your corner, cheering you on, and sharing this journey with you, can be worth all the blood, sweat, and tears. For the next seven to eleven years, your life will look nothing like normal. Respect one another’s time and keep expectations low by communicating honestly and openly. Sometimes that’s all someone needs to know you are thinking of them. You will miss out on spontaneous weekends with friends, family events, reunions, vacations and more. : It is critical you understand that this relationship is not like any other. Remember, you’re on this journey together, and are both figuring it out as you go. I’m assuming you were already aware of the fact you did not sign up for a 9-5 job, at least not yet…if ever. So stop comparing yours with your friends’ or anyone else for that matter. You need to understand that med students will never feel like they have studied enough. Dating in medical school is a preview for what’s to come (if you decide to get married and venture into residency and fellowship). Do not expect them to drop everything when : You’re in school. If something should change, let your partner know ASAP.